Community + connection = family
You have a seat at the table, even if you aren't aware of it
The holidays can be a challenging time of year for many people. While families gather together to celebrate Thanksgiving, some don’t have anyone with whom to share the holiday.
Others among us are alone by choice. Despite numerous opportunities to break bread and dine with friends, it’s not unusual to feel a sense of alienation at a time when there is a cultural onus to be grateful.
My mom died this past June after spending an entire year in Hospice Care. Although I did feel a sense of relief after she passed, I’m still not up for being around a lot of happy people this holiday season.
For me, there’s something extra lonely in being the token friend at a family gathering; it’s impossible to believe I wasn’t invited because someone didn’t feel sorry for me.
I had a decent morning despite myself, however. I spent a couple of hours at Gayle’s visiting with people and even shared a table and a conversation with a total stranger, but I decided to wait until I was certain everyone would be indoors for their meal before I took a walk down to the Capitola Wharf for what I hoped would be a moment of solitude.
Gayle’s had closed for the day, the streets were virtually empty, and I was looking forward to having the wharf to myself.
I was surprised and, admittedly, a little bothered when I arrived and discovered the place was packed with tourists and locals alike. As I made my way toward the end, I saw several tables set up outside Capitola Boat and Bait.
People were helping themselves to a traditional Thanksgiving feast, and I approached to ask whether it was sponsored by a church group or other non-profit.
“No,” Tracy, co-owner of the bait shop said. “We started this about fifteen years ago. A few of our employees didn’t have any family, so, we thought, what the heck?”
What started as a simple gesture of good will has turned into an annual tradition that has spanned over a decade and a half.
“We do this every year,” said Mike, Tracy’s husband. “One in the afternoon on Thanksgiving is when we’re here. Tell everyone.”
I told them I would. I admitted to Tracy that although I am relieved that my mother is at rest, I wasn’t really ‘feeling’ the holidays this year, and that I didn’t want to be the token guest at someone else’s family gathering.
“We’re all family here,” she responded.
It’s embarrassing to admit that it’s taken almost sixty years to discover the importance of community; the Norman Rockwell moments we’re promised every holiday season are just not realistic for the majority of us.
Fortunately, we don’t have to be alone. I filled a plate, took a seat, and was thoroughly entertained as Mike and a crew of local fishermen regaled me with stories of the craft, and, despite myself, I was smiling the entire time I sat with a new group of potential future friends.
If you didn’t have the Thanksgiving of your dreams this year, don’t despair; I promise the crew at Capitola Boat and Bait will be back next year for another type of tradition.
They made it clear that you and yours are welcome to attend.
Happy Thanksgiving!